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5 Ways to Get the Most out of Therapy

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If you’ve never been to therapy before or maybe you’ve had therapy but feel like it wasn’t beneficial, it’s worth exploring ways that you can ensure you’re getting the most out of your time. 


As with any type of service, there are many types of therapists out there, and there are many types of individuals/couples/and families seeking help. So how do you go about finding and selecting a therapist that is a good fit for you and what are some things you can do to get the most out of therapy? 


1. Specify what you are looking to work on–be as detailed as you can. 


The more insight you have about what you are struggling with, the easier it will be to find someone to help with your specific needs. For example, many individuals struggle with anxiety, and many therapists help individuals/couples experiencing anxiety. However, anxiety has many forms and levels of severity such as panic attacks, fear of relationships, nervousness, side effects of trauma, you get the idea. The more specific you can be in identifying what’s causing the anxiety, the easier it will be to identify therapists with training for your specific needs. 


2. Assess your stage of change

There are five stages of change. Many therapists will assess these with their clients; however, it can be a great way to assess yourself prior to therapy to gauge your feelings about change.


  1. Stage 1: Precontemplation–not yet acknowledging the problem

  2. Stage 2: Contemplation–acknowledging there is a problem but not ready/not sure about changing

  3. Stage 3: Preparation/Determination–preparing for change

  4. Stage 4: Action/Willpower–executing a change in behavior

  5. Stage 5: Maintenance–maintaining changes that were made


For couples: You don’t have to come to therapy with your spouse/significant other in order to begin working on relationships. Oftentimes I hear, we need to do couples therapy, but I can’t get my spouse or significant other to agree to it. That’s okay! Yes, the goal would be that both individuals are in session; however, there are a lot of ways therapy can address relational issues without both parties being present. 


3. Ask yourself “What am I looking to get out of therapy, and what are my expectations of how therapy is going to help with this”


  • Write out what you believe your responsibilities/expectations are for therapy and what you believe are the expectations and responsibilities of the therapist. 


In general, I tell all of my clients that the therapist and client relationship is a two way street just like any other relationship. It’s a collaborative process that involves both sides. The main responsibilities of the therapist are to treat all clients with respect and dignity, address any safety concerns, assess and provide a treatment plan with insight into destructive habits/barriers to address client’s concerns/goals, be an objective observer, and work within my scope of practice. 


As for client responsibilities, I am hopeful and expecting that clients provide complete information about the presenting concern, comply with practice policies/consents made prior to treatment, participate/be an active part of the session and treatment planning, take steps outside of therapy toward goals/objective, and articulate any barriers to achieving goals/objectives with the therapist. 


I have found that this collaborative model has higher success in creating lasting change for clients. When clients are actively participating in and outside of therapy, they remain in control of their outcome. The therapist is able to continue supporting/providing insight into mental/emotional/physical barriers to goals in effort to help clients/couples sustain balance in their own lives and relationships with others.  


4. Make showing up a priority 

This may seem obvious, but before starting therapy, ask yourself if you can commit to it. 

  1. If the answer is yes, ask yourself how often and how much time you can commit to it. Remember that this is not only a commitment for time in session but time outside of session. In most scenarios starting off on a weekly basis is helpful to gain momentum more quickly. 

  2. If the answer is no, ask yourself what is missing/needed in order for you to commit to it. 


5. Remain Curious

I’ve learned more about myself and the relationships in my life by simply remaining curious. Rather than meeting challenges and the ups and downs of life with frustration and rigidity, I try to meet all things with a level of curiosity. 


For example, I will ask myself things like: 

  • “What is this teaching me or showing me about myself/others?” 

  • “How are these feelings impacting my mind/relationships today”


I will also use this mindset when listening to others: 

  • “That’s interesting, help me understand more about why that is important to you”

  • “When did you first come to believe that/have that thought”


Being curious in our daily life and in therapy allows us to be open to new insights and ideas. It doesn’t always mean we change our beliefs or values because of the new insight, it just expands our understanding of ourselves as well as increases our opportunities for connecting with others. 





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