You'll Get Used to It

By: Alaina Halbur, LMFT, CLC, MT-BC

I had the thought the other day about what it really means to get used to something. There are a lot of things we are all probably used to but don’t necessarily realize how our tolerance came to be.

For example, whenever we went on vacation, I would ask my parents to tell me the temperature of the pool water. I was not going to jump into the water unless someone convinced me it was warm enough. I say my parents because growing up with siblings you learn the motive behind their words could be a trap to get a good laugh out of you being gullible…especially in this case. Once my parents would get in, they would say something along the lines of “eh, it’s a little cold, but you’ll get used to it”. Sure enough, they were always right. My body was able to get used to the cold temperature to the point where it didn’t feel cold anymore. I was comfortable.

I want to start by asking this. Did the temperature of the water change? No. So that means my body must have adapted to the temperature. My body experienced the cold long enough that it learned how to regulate itself. Now let’s say that I jumped into the Arctic Ocean in a similar way. Very different temperature! My body would still attempt to adjust and regulate itself to the frigid conditions; however, my chance of survival would decrease. Why? The human body is amazing, but the threshold for survival decreases when it comes in contact with extremes.

Having worked with and around people (including myself), it’s easy to "just keep going". To push through and take the body through extremes. To get used to things. It’s natural for our body to adjust to circumstances. Sometimes our body is forced into adjusting to circumstances that we shouldn’t HAVE to get used to. Maybe it wasn’t your choice to adjust whereas it was my choice to jump in the pool. It’s not natural for us to sit and think about what an adjustment changes in us or what effect it has on us. It’s natural for us to survive. If we apply the same concept of “getting used to the water temperature” to getting used to bullies, abuse, violence, sadness, loneliness, then what? I will often hear younger kids say, “Yea, I get yelled at a lot, but I’m used to it”, or “I move a lot, but I’m used to it”. A common relational phrase is, “I start to trust someone, and then they leave me or break my trust, but I’m used to that by now”.

I want to ask you, what are the things that you have gotten used to? Take some time to list them out.

Think back about the first memorable experience you had with each of those experiences on the list and notice if you have any feelings or thoughts that stick out to you.

Now, read off what you wrote or thought of when you asked yourself the question “what have I gotten used to” and then I want you to ask yourself, “Is that something that’s worth getting used to?” and, “What did your body go through to get used to that?”. What parts of yourself have you maybe suppressed or given up in order to, “Get used to that”. As easy as it is to say, I just got used to it, it’s not just pool water we are talking about. It’s not just road construction and taking a new route to work, “I got used to it”. It’s different when you're talking about the personal experiences of your life that have shaped you into who you are today. Maybe you got used to having your feelings dismissed whenever you asked for help and someone told you or showed you that they didn't care. Maybe you got used to having no parents at home and being the parent to raise your siblings. You got used to being in abusive relationships so much so that now you're comfortable even though you know you want something different. You got used to being the problem, and now you believe you are the problem. In other words, you got so used to it that you learned to believe you deserve it, you should expect it, and this is how it will always be. Think about whatever it is for you that you've gotten used to it, and start to allow yourself to distance yourself from it.

Remember: You can always get out of the pool. It might be cold, you might be wrinkled, and you might be tempted to jump back in, but the discomfort is only temporary.