By: Alaina Halbur LMFT, CLC, MT-BC
What would it feel like to move with your circumstances instead of against them? I often think of my circumstances like the wind. Very unpredictable, sometimes gusty and in your face while at times being refreshing and providing relief. I think about the feelings I have associated to my circumstances and as I reflect on those, I am most aware of the circumstances that I am unhappy about over the ones I feel joy toward.
So how do I learn to “go with the flow”? And does going with the flow mean that I don’t care or am ignoring my feelings?
Simply put, no. Moving WITH your circumstances means experiencing circumstances in their fullest capacity. In order to experience life in its fullest capacity, it’s important to be aware of my response to the circumstance which includes feelings, behaviors, sensations, and the way that my life has been impacted by the current circumstance.
Here’s an example of what moving with your circumstances looks like:
Let’s say you’ve been working with your company for 15 years, and they decided that they are going to start laying off employees over the next year but they don’t tell you if your job is one of the job’s that will be impacted by the layoff.
Moving against the situation might look something like this:
Initially: You’re pretty nervous and feel insecure about your job. You start wondering if you should start looking for another job now, saving more, and working harder in hopes that they see your hard work and want to keep you around longer. When you get home, you don’t tell your family because you don’t want them to have the stress of knowing you may lose your job. Instead, you suppress your concerns, and you start spending more time at work.
Moving with the situation would look something like this:
Initially: You ask for more details from your boss to clarify about your specific position at work. They respond by saying, “ We really don’t know all the departments that will be affected, but we will do our best to keep everyone informed”. Feeling nervous about the situation, you talk with your spouse once you get home about the news today. It may sound like this, your spouse says, “How was your day today?” and you say, “Well, we got some interesting news at work today, I was hoping maybe later tonight we could talk about it together if you have time”. Then hopefully your spouse agrees to talk, and you discuss your feelings and concerns together.
The difference is the resistance in scenario one verses confrontation/adaptability in scenario two. Scenario one is like going outside and noticing it’s 30 degrees and choosing not to put a coat on and power through. Scenario two is going outside, noticing it’s 30 degrees, and going back in to grab a coat and carry on with the day. Next time you find yourself in some less than desirable circumstances, check how you’re moving.

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